I was in middle school. It was nearing the end of the school year and summer was in the air. I rode the bus home from school and made the one mile walk up my bumpy, dirt driveway to our funky little cottage in the woods. I don't remember what I was stressing out about that day, but I remember feeling overwhelmed and even a little bit sad. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with a boy.
I threw my backpack on the couch and returned to the great outdoors. The sun was still high in the cloudless sky, the birds were chirping and the smell of wild flowers was in the air. I walked out into the field next to our house through waist-high grass that itched my bare legs. Mid-way through the field the grass subsided where a patch of wild strawberries were starting to bloom. My spot. I sprawled out on my back, closed my eyes, and let the sun hit my face, my arms, my legs. The wind rustled the grass around me and I opened my eyes. In that moment, gazing up at the sky and the trees around me, I had a little bit of an epiphany. I was overcome with a feeling of just how big the world, the universe, really is. All of a sudden my measly problems seemed so insignificant. I felt so small and helpless in that instant, but completely hopeful. At that time in my life, I didn't know God, but I think I had a moment with Him.
The past couple of weeks, no months, have been stressful. I return to this moment in the field by my parents' house often. I close my eyes and remember the way the sun felt; I try to grasp on to my innocence and that feeling of smallness and simplicity. There is SO much more to life than each of our little problems, annoyances, stresses. It feels good to reflect on this every once in a while - to recenter ourselves.
Photos from last summer. Man oh man, how I'm craving summer already! Good thing I get to go to Hawaii in a couple months! Just booked our tickets last night!!!! :-)
Uhm, Hawaii?! JEALOUS!
ReplyDeleteLove this post, great writing. :)
I have a similar experience, except it was on the beach of the Pacific when I was like 10. :)
xoxo
Oh I have been dreaming about summer too! Definitely jealous of Hawaii though!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I wish I had a moment like that from my childhood to savor. Maybe I do and I don't remember, or maybe the bad moments overshadow the good (I fear this is the reality). Regardless, SO jealous of your Hawaii trip! Can wait to live vicariously through your posts about it ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I have my moment too. It's definitely a great feeling to have that one random moment that you can call upon when you're having a tough time. It's good for the soul :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Theresa! I wanna hear about your moment! :-)
ReplyDeleteBecky, this makes me sad! :( I really hope the bad didn't overshadow the good!
ReplyDeleteThanks Megan! There's just something special about nature and the way it can put life in perspective when you let it.
ReplyDeleteYou can live vicariously through my Hawaii photos, Brittin! :-)
ReplyDeleteSounds like a plan! haha
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post... as always :)
ReplyDeleteAnd Hawaii?!? Eeeek! So excited for you!!
It's probably just that I have a really bad memory ;) But I'm not gonna lie, I do have less than awesome moments from my childhood which are unfortunately very memorable. I don't talk about it much (ever) and have debated back and forth whether to go into on the blog, but my dad's an alcoholic, so that caused a lot of problems for me growing up. What's really crazy is that even before you posted, the other day I was thinking about some flashback Friday types of posts, and I got to thinking about some of my first memories and some other memorable events in my childhood. I have yet to come up with any positive, happy defining moments. Some good memories here and there, sure, but the ones that are easiest to remember are not. But don't feel bad for me, it's water under the bridge! And I'm still holding out a little hope that something might come to me. You've inspired me to really think harder about it :)
ReplyDeleteThinking back to my teen-ish years I remember thinking at the time that things were so complicated, but there was such simplicity there. Even innocence if I go back far enough. I was a bit of a wild child and have a lot of crazy adventures to think about!
ReplyDeleteAnd shut your face with Hawaii! Kids or no kids?
Isn't it crazy? We thought we had it SO rough as teenagers, but life was so simple. I was definitely a wild child, too! I grew up REALLY fast.
ReplyDeleteSo sad. I think you should definitely blog about your past - unless you feel uncomfortable that family members may read it. I just find that putting things out there in the blogosphere is very therapeutic. And I bet you'll find others who went through similar experiences. I'm so sorry! I didn't have a perfect childhood either. Grew up in a dump of a house with very little money in the middle of nowhere. My parents hated eachother. But at least I did have a lot of love and a lot of good memories mixed in there. Aren't you happy that you have the chance to make-up your crappy childhood with your children? They are so fortunate to have you as a mommy.
ReplyDeletei feel u mama - great post.
ReplyDelete& super jealous about hawaii! which island?? we did kauai for our honeymoon/1st anniversary trip and it was seriously heaven. you are going to love it and it will definitely be well deserved :)
We are going to Kauai. :) We also went there for our honeymoon and can't wait to take our kiddos! Andy's bro is also moving there, so we'll get to see him, too. Can't WAIT!!! (although I am DREADING the flight with the kids! Yikes!)
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