Let em fly.

One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with as a parent is the realization that I won't be able to protect my children from all the hurt there is in the world. I won't always be there to defend them when their feelings get hurt, to cover their ears when harsh words fly, or to shield them from emotional pain.

Leila is only three, but she's already coming into an age where her peers can be mean and hurt her feelings - even if it is completely innocent and unintentional. The other day I got a glimpse of how hard it is going to be for me to watch her grow up - for me to stand aside and let her learn some life lessons on her own.

We were at her cousin's 3rd birthday party last weekend when Leila came running to me in tears. She was sobbing so hard that I couldn't understand her words. When I finally got her to calm down, she told me that the other kids were holding the door shut and not letting her in the bedroom. The deep hurt she was feeling, from being left out, made my heart hit the floor. I know that feeling. I remember it from when I was little. No one likes to be shut out. I held her close to me and told her they were probably just doing it to be silly and then I distracted her with some cake or something and she was fine.

Later on in the evening I was just standing aside in the playroom, watching the kiddos run around. Her cousin and his little best friend were chasing each other back and forth and Leila was trying to get in on the action saying, "Hey guys, do you wanna play with me, too?" She just kept following them around and repeating that while they continued to laugh and run around and ignore her. She probably repeated that same question 5 or 6 times before giving up and finding a toy to play with on her own. For some reason this just made me so sad. I wanted to butt in and ask the boys to play with Leila. But, I didn't. I knew that I wouldn't always be able to intervene - that I had to start stepping back and letting her fly solo a little.

Eventually, they all started running around together and all was well. Something about that evening just opened the floodgates of my mind to all of the things I won't be able to protect my kiddos from. All I can do, all any of us parents can do, is be there to catch them - there to embrace them and tell them everything will be okay when they do get hurt. We can't avoid the inevitable. They've gotta spread their wings and fly on their own, and it starts young. I guess I'm just not quite ready for this yet.