A Dark Place

I am a happy person and I feel extremely fortunate for the life that I have. But every life has its ups and downs. Mine is just in a strange place right now. A place where a HUGE "up" (my baby's soon-to-be birth) is moving along with a HUGE "down" (my best friend preparing to lose her hubby to cancer).

Needless to say, I have had a very rough weekend. And I'm not gonna lie. I always wanted this blog to be full of rainbows and sunshine (as you can tell with the cheesy design), but I think it may be in a little bit of a darker place for a while. It is after all sort of like my diary. And I can't just bottle in all of the pain I feel right now.

I have so many questions about life running through my head. Why do bad things happen to such good people? How does one find the strength to go on when they feel like they don't have anything left? How can one really embrace and love and make the most of this one sweet, short, and precious life in a world with so much pain and suffering and stress?

I guess the only real answer is GOD. And FAITH.

I am just exhausted right now... Emotionally from bearing the pain of what my BFF is going through watching her one true love suffer. Physically from this pregnancy. And mentally from all of the deep thoughts I've been having lately. And a serious lack of sleep these past few nights doesn't help either.

Where will I find the strength? The strength to deliver and care for a newborn? The strength to be there with my whole heart for my BFF? The strength to keep a smile on my face? I've never been in a place like this before. A place with so much light and happiness colliding with so much darkness and pain. It's rather strange feeling actually. I'm grateful that I have the faith that everything will work out just fine in the end.

And I worry about her:



My little miss sassy pants has been quite the handful this weekend. She can totally sense that something isn't right with mommy.

And me? I've been rallying for her all weekend, pasting a smile on my face and trying my best to pretend that everything is normal.

(This pic did totally make me laugh at least!)


Well, I think my roller coaster ride is just getting started. It should be a very interesting next couple of months. Bring it on.